to paint a porch that needs no painting

I should be outside today, but I'm not. The weather is nice, the sun is out, the humidity is high. I need to be painting my porch. But for the moment I'd rather sit and drink some coffee. And while I am sitting and drinking a cup, by cup I mean pot, of coffee, I'd like to type some things that are on my mind, if only for myself to come back to later and ask "What was I thinking when I wrote that?"And usually the answer to that question is, "Well, I was drinking a pot of coffee."

This porch, oh man.. It has become my white whale. I have turned a simple task that should have taken me, or would have taken me several years ago, only two days at maximum, into a project that has allowed me at least something to do on a daily basis - for three weeks.

I was thinking about the last post that I wrote at around 1:00 a.m. after getting home from one of the most fun and productive tracking sessions in a while. Last night we got more done and had more fun, at least I think we did, than any previous sessions. My expectations put aside for the greater good, the result better than anything I would have expected.

The idea is about balance and how now that there is some balance in my life today, as a result I enjoy life more and tend to be more productive, minus the porch.

For several months after returning from the cabin and my experience, I've been seeking something in God. I haven't really been sure what that something was. I'm not even sure that I know what it is now. I have had an idea what it is not, for now. So, in my investigating of what this something may be and finding out for now what it is not, but not ruling anything out, I started seeking deeper things of God... and got sidetracked into trying to figure out why I wasn't supposed to pursue that which wasn't for me for now. Just like I set out to paint the porch today, but have sat typing this and drinking coffee. I grew a little in God while seeking one thing, but finding another.

But until I started doing some investigating, I think that things started getting out of balance again, and affected me relationally. It could have been that I was in a perpetually bad mood due to ending my prescription to a medicine, which caused some things to be out of balance too.

But on this idea of balance, take for instance a musician. If this musician devotes hours upon hours to practice and say, can just blow minds with the talent, but never learned how to use a metronome, the talent is out of balance. That musician probably would not be able to play with other musicians because he/she has no sense of timing; there probably would be no record of this musicians talent because it would be very difficult to capture, and the talent would left inclusive to his/her own enjoyment.

The same appears in my life as a believer. When things get out of balance, I become less effective and less productive - if I have to be productive. I don't just sit and enjoy relaxing in the love of the Father, transcending to the sound of the spirit's voice, hanging out in the presence of Jesus. And I find that usually in my spiritual life, the thing that causes all things to tip the scales, is my will.

So many times I want what I want, or I want things to go the way I want them... And usually it ends up not what I wanted to begin with. I may want God to do something, the way I want Him to do it, or want a result my way, I may even go after the result myself. It almost always ends up like playing a guitar without strings and my life makes no sound.

But things get back in balance when I seek God's will over what I want. Because of the last few days of investigating and finding that the thing I need for now is submission to God's will and complete surrender to the Holy Spirit, things started to become balanced again. Originally I set out to seek God in a way according to what I expected and wanted, and ended up growing His way. I learned a lesson not from the lesson I was seeking, but from the way I set out to learn the lesson.

Instead of panicking about not being where I think I should be or where others may be spiritually, I've been able to just relax in the love of the Father again and transcend by the music coming from the spirit of the artist... and with exception to this porch out there, things are more productive.